Author Topic: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)  (Read 72457 times)

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1065 on: July 21, 2012, 11:43:06 am »
This is a story of a 16 year-old boy from London who won the World's Shortest Essay competition. He was awarded a Scholarship for his imagination and humor.
 
Here's an example of absolute brilliance. Contestants  were asked to write a concise essay containing each
of the following elements:
 
1) Religion
2) Royalty /Monarchy
3) Physical Disability
4) Racism
5) Homosexuality
 
The prize-winner wrote,
'My God,' cried the Queen, 'That one-legged
nigger is a queer'.

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1067 on: July 22, 2012, 10:27:45 am »
The phone rings, and the wife answers.
 
A heavy breathing PERVERT says,"Do ya have a real tight asshole... huh... with not too much hair."
 
She replies, "Why yes, he's watching TV, who shall I say
is calling?"


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3304
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1068 on: July 22, 2012, 10:44:45 am »
I keep telling you, stop calling my wife.

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1069 on: July 22, 2012, 11:10:58 am »
The Daily Pen says record of Obama's Kenyan birth records found in British Archives.
 
http://thedailypen.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/obamas-kenyan-birth-records-discovered.html

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5304
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1070 on: July 22, 2012, 10:07:41 pm »


 

 

 

 

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1071 on: July 23, 2012, 12:27:37 pm »
From Mark Lawrence:

The Postal Service is set to default for the first time ever, failing to make a $5.5 billion retiree health fund payment due August 1. Another payment worth about $5 billion is due in September. The mail will continue to get through, for now, but if this was an actual company lawsuits would be flying fast and furious and talk would be of bankruptcy.

Ron Paul's bill to audit the Fed now has more than half the house's members as co-sponsors, rather strongly indicating it will pass a house vote. Far less likely is that it will pass the Senate. After the election? We'll see. . .

San Bernardino, the southern CA city that just declared bankruptcy in part due to falling property taxes, is exploring a novel idea: use eminent domain to seize distressed properties. There are two clear paths for this: seize properties where no payments have been made for a long time, then condemn them or resell them at a much lower price. The other idea would be to seize properties where the owners are current on their payments, pay off the mortgage at current prices forcing a large loss on the lenders, get a new mortgage based on the current price, then sell it back to the owner at the lower price with the lower mortgage payment. San Bernardino is favoring the second approach, giving help to the people who have played by the rules; banks of course favor the first approach, take their problems off their hands. San Bernardino houses have lost almost 60% of their value in the last four years.

What is consciousness? Rocks don't have any, and therefore live strictly in the "now." A pair of asteroids about to collide have no sense of impending doom; asteroids colliding have no sense of surprise; after the collision they have no sense of pain or disappointment or change or anything being different. It takes consciousness - emotion plus memory - to give a sense of time to the universe: the ideas of past, present, future; the ability to learn from the past or to project into the future. Stockton Mayor Ann Johnston said that when she voted for the expensive pension increases that helped put her city into bankruptcy, "We didn't have projections into the future what the costs might be - I learned that you don't make decisions without looking into the future." Said Mr. Deis, the Stockton city manager, "Nobody gave thought to how it was eventually going to be paid for." So we see that Stockton city officials aren't actually conscious creatures and could have been replaced with a bunch of rocks with little difference. I doubt there is anything unusual or atypical about Stockton politicians or bureaucrats in this regard.

Next on the list to declare bankruptcy? It looks to be Compton, a city buried in south central LA. Compton's bonds are already rated as junk. But it's likely they'll survive the month of August, so perhaps another city will overtake them. Also very close is Victorville and Montebello. In Victorville not only is a bankruptcy looming, but some city officials may be facing jail time - the SEC is investigating them for fraud.


  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1072 on: July 23, 2012, 12:45:16 pm »
This 3D display is projected onto the front of an office building in Berlin:

 
 


http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=XVTga6GmbGw&vq=medium#t=74

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1073 on: July 23, 2012, 01:30:25 pm »
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.


(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians


per year are


120,000.


(C) Accidental deaths per physician

is


0.171


Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of

Health and Human Services.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Now think about this:


Guns


(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.
is


80,000,000.


(Yes, that's 80 million)


(B) The number of accidental gun deaths


per year, all age groups,


is
1,500.


(C) The number of accidental deaths


per gun owner is
.0000188


Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So, statistically, doctors are approximately


9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,


BUT


Almost everyone has at least one doctor.

This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please alert your friends


to  this alarming threat.


We must ban doctors


before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!


Out of concern for the public at large,


We withheld the statistics on

lawyers


For fear the shock would cause


People to panic and seek medical attention!


;-)

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5304
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1074 on: July 24, 2012, 02:44:00 am »
 Good one Packy !

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5339
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1075 on: July 26, 2012, 01:55:04 pm »
Quote
'My God,' cried the Queen, 'That one-legged
**** is a queer'.

One legged what?  What was the winning word?  N...  Je.... SPIC.... WHO....  Pack....

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14454
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1076 on: July 26, 2012, 05:46:54 pm »
I assumed the missing word was otto, although I can't explain why it would have been edited?

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5304
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1077 on: July 26, 2012, 06:47:26 pm »
One legged what?  What was the winning word?  N...  Je.... SPIC.... WHO....  Pack....

 Yeah Packy the punchline was dropped ... thru no fault of your own.

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7901
  • Location: Minonk , IL
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1078 on: July 26, 2012, 07:36:03 pm »
One legged what?  What was the winning word?  N...  Je.... SPIC.... WHO....  Pack....

The word of your choice will do; kraut, polock, mick.  The requirement was only that it be a racist name.  Most every group and  nationality has been called by  a racist name at some time or other.

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5304
Re: The Sidelines (04.12.11 - 09.10.15)
« Reply #1079 on: July 26, 2012, 08:55:32 pm »
The word of your choice will do; kraut, polock, mick.  The requirement was only that it be a racist name.  Most every group and  nationality has been called by  a racist name at some time or other.

 Especially those fuuuckers from Burundi.